See, the funny thing is that you usually can't get a college aged guy to use his brain long enough to tell you what color blouse that girl he's staring down is wearing. With me that's just the opposite. In fact, I don't think I can look at a girl's blouse for that same amount of time without feeling like I've committed some horrible sin. It's similar with my everyday life too.
I've been recently been reading C.S. Lewis' novel, "The Screwtape Letters" (as described by wikipedia). The story (I guess you could call it that) is centered around two demons named Screwtape and Wormwood and the letters of advice that Screwtape has sent to Wormwood. In the sixth letter, Screwtape tells Wormwood that he needs to make sure that the human he is assigned will regard all of the things he fears as his crosses to bear. Wormwood is to make sure that the human doesn't realize that all these fears are incompatible and couldn't all possibly happen. That's sorta how I often end up. I think so much that I start to worry about tons of things that couldn't all possibly happen and then I just get completely overwhelmed. Sometimes it just gets to the point where I wish I could just turn it all off and stop thinking entirely. That's pretty much where I got to today.
Lately I've been having a series of debates over Youtube and Myspace about religious issues. Content aside, these discussions have had me bewildered over the issues just trying to understand everything that's being put out there. It was right about when I thought I was on top of things that I was confronted by a studied Calvinist. This guy (Robert) started asking me the hard questions and, even though I clearly knew my position, I couldn't think of any way to counter what he was saying. That's about when I started to get overwhelmed. I started to think that maybe I had things wrong, or maybe I didn't understand everything well enough. I decided that I was going to have to put in countless hours of study before I could really understand this stuff and really get to the bottom of everything. I had resigned to the idea that all of this was my cross to bear. That was about when I read my girlfriend's blog from the other day.
Kristin's blog was all about her devotional and how much she worries and doesn't trust God with her situations. Go figure, right? So I figured I'd read my Bible a little and somehow I ended up in Job. I got to reading Job 38 where God first starts addressing Job and verse 4 really jumped out at me. It says, "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding." That's about when it all seemed to make sense.
I realized that there are things that I'm never meant to understand and I have to learn to accept that (even though I don't want to) as well as countless other things. It seems so easy, but some things are just as simple as taking them at face value and realizing that no matter how much you know about something, your understanding won't always change the world.
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